ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
