a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
