ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
