Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
