It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
