Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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