she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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