Porn is love you can see.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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