Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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