just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
