Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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