I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
