my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
