So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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