Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
