my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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