i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Be still, my beating vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
