Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
