So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
3pm strippers are depressing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
