my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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