i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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