He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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