Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
