whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cockslap morals
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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