Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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