What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
