Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
