I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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