I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
