Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
