Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i dont even know how to be here
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
