Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
