Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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