1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
