There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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