smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
