i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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