overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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