I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
