I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
