Little spoons don't ask big questions
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
