i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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