Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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