So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
