I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
