is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
