dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
