you traded sex for a burrito?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everclear isn't food dammit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
