hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
