she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
