I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
