Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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