I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
