when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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