i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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