ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
