I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
